Wednesday, May 26, 2010

at long last

as i looked out from the podium two days ago, my full heart throbbed and my wet eyes moistened my face; the day has come.

for years i have written down scriptures allllllll over the front sides, back sides and anywhere in between of books, receipts, papers, journals--anything--of plaque scriptures for a hopeful mission theme.

for years i dreamt about getting a call and shouting the gospel from the rooftops all day night and day.

for years i imagined that black name tag and yucko shoes, and what it would be like to wake up every morning and to have one purpose.

for years i hoped and prayed to go on a mission. that day has come!

my bags are mostly packed, my friends squeezed and tearfully waved off, my to do's are depleting, and the hour of my mtc express curbside no-stopping-necessary drop off is ever approaching. mere hours ago i was set apart as a missionary of the lord. i feel upheld and still and peaceful and calm. i don't feel ready, no, not by any means--i wish there was more time!--but here it is. at long last. i'm really doing this. i'm really going. i'm really gone, actually.

so i wanted to write one final post. this is it. not really final final--by any means--but just... you know. final. i wanted to say, first and foremost...quick story: i once had a dear friend engaged. i was, to be honest, deeply hurt by her lack of care as she forgot to call me back or forgot to meet up with me or forgot about this or that. i wanted to neeeever make anyone else feel that way. but guess what? now i know. i see what it's like to have. no. time. i see what its like to forget your BRAIN and to dash about like crazy--hurting people all along the way because you're so frazzled. for this--and for my hypocrisy--i am truly sorry to those i hurt as i was hurt. please understand it wasn't intentional. i love you. i care for you. i fail at texting, calling, emailing, faxing, morse code-ing or pigeon-ing back. i fail! please accept my sincere apology and know that, despite my seeming absence, flagrant disregard and lack of care--i care. i care deeply. i feel richly, profoundly and beautifully blessed. it's indescribable. i feel sooo supported. i read your texts, i hear your voicemails, and i see your emails. and i am profoundly grateful for your selflessness in giving to someone who does not then give in return; i sense your love, and i am so grateful for it! you are my godsend! your support means the world!

ah, with that said, i take my leave from the blogging world, from the texting world, from the calling world, from the non-amish clothing world,... from the world. i will be here though. i will be there, i mean, but i will be here in spirit. i will be anxious and grateful and prayerful for you, my sweet, fellow blogger, reader, and friend. i will be excited for the new and exciting developments in your life. i know you are prone to greatness! and i will allllllways love to hear from you. :)

Until August 2010:

Hermana Tawny Christensen
MTC Mailbox # 161
CA-SD 0803
2005 N 900 E
Provo, UT 84604-1793

Until November 2011:

Hermana Tawny Christensen
California San Diego Mission
7404 Armstrong Pl
San Diego, CA 92111-4912

and so now, finally--at long last!--i make my way into my own dreams. here i go--me, with all my uncertainties, my worries, my doubts, my imperfections, my dreams, my hopes, my aspirations, my goals, my friends, my family, my testimony, my faith, my hope and my love, to where i have been called. i know that our redeemer lives, and loves us! there is a plan for each of us; God knows us, loves us, and guides us individually!

"oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me enough to die for me! oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!"

we are so blessed with this knowledge. the church is true. and now, my friends and loved ones, i bid you all farewell. my bretheren, adieu.

1 comment:

..M.. said...

i love you tawny!!! good luck out there and have fun! you are amazing and you will be missed:)