tc

it's not over until it's over

2012-01-24T01:43:00.012-07:00

whew.

it's january what of 2012? i don't even know what day it is. the calendar says it's january 24th. late. or early. however you want to look at it.

friends, i've been kinda dreading coming back into this. i'm sorry. i don't know why that is. i love writing and doing this whole blogging thing. not really for any of you who may possibly probably not ever even care to read this, but for me. for me to just let my retina see the world one way and my being to see it another. but i feel like i left you in one place at one time as one person... and now everything's different. how do you come back from that? where do you even begin? what do you say?

i've thought a lot about the type of "rm" i want to be. i don't want to be one that's always like, "well on my MISSION..." "when i was a MISSIONARY..." ... you know those people. right? and, sorry, but no one reeeeally likes hanging around them because it's like, okay dog, your mission was bomb. we get it. but live in the now. ha ha no i'm kidding. but seriously. i just don't want to be that way... be that person. one of my companions said that she wanted it to be "discovered" that she served. i feel good about that comment. i just don't want it to be all i do or say or think about or talk about.

except the only problem is... that it is. it's ALL i can think about. it's all i want to talk about. it's all i remember. i dream, breathe and live for san diego and what happened there. so here i am in this philosophical psychological debate with myself. people ask me (dumb, unavoidable questions. i know. i asked them and still do ask them, too, even though i resent them), "so HOW WAS YOUR MISSION?!" or "so...how are you?" or "hows the transition?" and i'm like mmmmmmm. "good." ha ha. do i answer too much? too little? just nothing? nothing is easiest because the truth is hard and the lie is a lie. soooo. oh gosh, i'm not making any sense. i started off by trying to say that i've been scared to come back to the world because i don't know how. i don't really know where i fit in or who i am or what to say or how to be or anything! ha ha i'm even at a loss about how to start my blog up, i mean what?!

but i'm coming around. my sweet mother keeps apologizing that this is so hard for me. i feel badly for them--my pa's--for my being so... so... so... emotional? they've been sports. i don't know what i'd do if my daughter kept breaking out into tears randomly. ha. i'd probably feel real bad-like, seeing that she'd rather be near the border of mexico than here with me. but quite frankly, no apology is necessary. i'm convinced that it's meant to be hard. why on EARTH would we come home from such a spiritually boat rocking, life changing, eternity shaping, celestial experience, to have things be just peachy, easy breezy? it's completely illogical to me. that doesn't mean i like it! but i get it. we've gotta continue, keep going, progress, onward and upward. and so let the challenging, hellish, horribly awkward and uncomfortable unknown commence. again, frankly...I wouldn't have it any other way. life was never meant to be easy. i know this is part of it.

so uhhh. hi. ha ha. hello. i'm back. i'm not going to be one of those constantly raving ex-misioneros that's always going off about his or her mission for whatever reason. if you really wanna know, i trust that you'll ask me. i don't have to belittle my incredible experience by making it everyone's. i'm not really sure what to talk about though, because, as said, that IS me. i loved my mission. it meant EVERYTHING to me. i feel so indebted to my Father in Heaven for His immeasurable love and patience in affording me the opportunity to become converted and preach conversion to the most amazing humans of sanD. i will never go a day without feeling grateful for the time with the black tag of freedom and power and authority. i will always and forever be thankful to have come to know and understand the Savior in such a real, personal, intimate way, and to grasp, love and absolutely cherish His restored gospel by seeing what it means to me and those whose life it changes.

before my mission i read books and books and books because i felt this desire, this unquenchable thirst, to know my Savior better--His life, His ministry, His attributes, His atonement. And I felt like I learned a lot, brain-wise, but I wanted heart, soul, feeling sorta knowing. And...friends? Wow. Did. I. Ever! find what i was looking for. I never wanted to go to California. ever. in a million years. i think californians are obsessed with "cali" and their beaches and rainbows and shirtless men and bikini babes and their blonde, perfect beach-y, wavy surf hair and, honestly, i hate the word and all things "cali." so how hilarious is our pc (padre celestial) to call me there? He knew. He knew alllllllllll along what would happen, what I'd see, experience, learn, feel, do and become. He knew it'd affect me deeply, indescribably, personally, effectively, and permanently. It humbled me, I guess. yeah, it definitely did. And now, I know a little deeper, richer, truer, and realer (hows that for grammatically correct, ya english minor?) that there is no other way. i can't say it any other way. THERE IS NO OTHER WAY to eternal life and eternal happiness save through our Savior! He sunk below it ALL for each and every one of us. He LOVES us. He and the Father velar for us...they are always aware of us, always there for us, always guiding us and loving us. Their love is unreal. it is unfathomable. i loved being able to feel a slice of that love for the people we'd meet. I loved promising them that there indeed IS a Savior and that His gospel indeed HAS been restored and that there indeed IS evidence and that their prayers indeed WILL be answered and they will FOR SURE experience greater joy and happiness than they ever thought or dreamed existed. and they did. if they were really looking, they did. and that's because the Savior is REAL. His gospel, His atonement...it's real. it's full. it's complete. it's perfect. it covers you, me, alberto, imelda, pablo, ivan, raquel, la famila salvador...it covers all of us. I know now, in some small, incomplete, imperfect but SURE way, that Jesus is the Christ. He is our Savior. He is The Light, The Life, and The Truth. He is THE. ONLY. WAY. to be happy. it's real. it's all real. and san diego taught me that.

i can't say the least part which i feel. i assume you're getting it though.

every time i talk about my mission, about what i learned, about what it means to me, i rant. i get all heated up and end up banging fists and crying and quoting the same things in different places again and again because the gospel is SO SIMPLE and so pure and so clear and sooo obvious and i'm SO CONVERTED to it. and i can't handle that other people don't see what we have. i can't handle this whole utah valley thing, where people "rebel" against the church. can't they see they're just hurting themselves? it's not about the church or about your parents or your leaders or whoever. it's about YOU. its about your happiness, your future, your SALVATION. and there is NO OTHER WAY. i just... i just get so so so... so... ah, so emotional and so involved in any discussion about anything of this nature because i get it now. a little bit. it's about us. it's about you and about me. so somewhere up around kolob our perfect Father in Heaven and His Son look down upon this small, little, seemingly insignificant girl struggling with this horrible transition, and they care. they care about me and all this, about you and your school schedule, your job hunting, your pregnancy pains, your motherly or fatherly worries. they care. they care SO DEEPLY. so this is about us. this is about you and me, about us personally and individually. it's about us because it's ALWAYS been about it. Jesus Christ came for us. That's why he performed the atonement--so we could be happy, overcome our trials and hardships, grow to become godlike, make covenants, be happy, and progress. so excuse me for getting a little heated about this! i am just seeing life through my new, clear lenses now and there is no time to mince words or get distracted or to not be real about it. there is no other way to eternal life and salvation. remember that. let's both/all always remember that. lets honor my time in san diego a little bit for forever by remembering what's really important.

so that's about it. just that. see, is this me being one of those annoying rms talking about their mission? see my inner conflict here?

anyways. what the heck is up. i'm back. orem. great place. it's pretty brown, isn't it? i was like, what is all this brownness dog? get me some beaches and palm trees (see? am i at it again? i'm just used to san diego! where's the line here?) and greenery everywhere. but orem is beautiful. i'm a fan of it. not on facebook, kaylynn, but a fan nevertheless.

since my last stint of blogging and the whole black name tag business, i've been navigating my way back to myself. christmas was gorgeous. super beautiful. my fam pinned the tail on the donkey for the last time in the history of donkey-tail-pinning-dom with some beautiful things. I was worried about how I'd respond to gifts and love and being soo spoiled with inconsequential things, but they did a great job. I was given very sentimental, meaningful things that lifted my sight up to the Savior in gratitude for the sacred time in representing Him and all that I learned in the process. I was particularly tearful and captivated by the scrapbook the kay and ma put together for me, complete with pictures of my entire mission. inolvidable. also, i'm now a legit mom with a bracelet with all my kid's names on it and stuff. ha ha except normally moms don't put the names of parts of a city that they lived in, huh? ha. well, the bracelet is still a treasure, even if it is silver and jingly and overly informative. i LOVE it.

i bought a car. that was sorta like sky diving. "sign here, here and here. if you die, it's not our fault." haha aka signing your life away. that was fun. writing the check out, even funner. YIKES. welcome back to the REAL world, sister christensen, a world where you don't have a magic blue credit card that automatically uploads $142 dollars for your monthly enjoyment, taste, entertainment and survival. by the sweat of our brow we now make our way.

i got tested for parasites. negative. got tested for ulcers. negative. got all my blood work done. clean. got a vein burnt off my nose. huh? point is, i was sick when i came home, but all's well now. those stomach aches were somethin else though, man.

i started school. whaaaaaaaaaaat. one day i almost started crying because i couldn't remember where anything was. but i knew i'd once known where the JKB was! hadn't i had zillions of classes there? then i needed to print a paper but didn't know how to slash didn't have a valid, non-expired id card with cash on it, slash didn't know where a printer was... ah! I spent my first saturday doing homework, STRAIGHT, for 13 hours. my mom kept prying me to get out of the house, but i was just like NO dog, i've got homework! welcome home. it was hilarious. guys, i just...DIDN'T remember HOW to be a human! i still don't, actually. funny. probably entertaining for an outsider. But i guess i'm sorta kinda a little bit getting the hang of it now. maybe that makes me less entertaining for both insiders and outsiders? just walking around like everyone else...

i uhh um, what else? well, i've had about a million super enjoyable reunions. best times ever. so many liebers around these parts!

that's what i've been up to. it's been real. it's been a rollercoaster, just like the last 19 months of my life, but in a very different, less-enjoyable, non-eternally-important way, if you catch my drift. making the switch from them, you, him/her to me me me has been disgusting. not in a good way. do i sound negative? i feel like the commonly woven and threaded theme of this post is straight up negativity. i'm not trying to be negative. oh, heavens no. that never got anyone anywhere. i've found that i have a lot of my dad in me; he's always said he's a "realist." i like realism to an extent. so i'm sorry if my reality seems negative. it's not. i admit, my attitude at times has been rather gloomy, but i have repeatedly received and continue to receive answers, guidance, revelation, tms (tender mercies) and reminders that LIFE IS WHAT I MAKE IT and that happiness is a CHOICE. it is fighting battle, a constant, conscious CHOICE that requires effort. and if i'm not choosing to love my awkward first dates or choosing to love going fake sky diving without the thrill of jumping out of a plane or not choosing to love my horribly unnatural transition back into society...that's MY fault. and i am 150% aware of that. so. i'm making my choice, my decision. i'm choosing to be happy. i'm choosing to honor my mission, my savior, my father in heaven by being grateful for what's now coming. because i am. grateful.

so there. i'm sure if you missed me at all, you don't anymore. because i'm back! ha ha back into the world of blogging your weirdest abstract unclear horribly ambiguous feelings for everyone and no one to read or understand all at the same time. it's great. and even though i no longer have that gorgeous black tag, they're all over my room, in my books, in my brain, painted across every memory i've got, and burnt into my heart. the line, "every member a missionary" has never meant so much to me.

and so, as elder holland said so perfectly (like he always does)--

"It's not over until it's over."

this is just the beginning. mission: initiated.

postscript.

2010-05-26T02:26:00.005-06:00

my sweet madre has established a blog for bro y yo:

http://www.christensenmissionaries.blogspot.com

click here.

siga fiel.

at long last

2010-05-26T02:02:00.008-06:00

as i looked out from the podium two days ago, my full heart throbbed and my wet eyes moistened my face; the day has come.

for years i have written down scriptures allllllll over the front sides, back sides and anywhere in between of books, receipts, papers, journals--anything--of plaque scriptures for a hopeful mission theme.

for years i dreamt about getting a call and shouting the gospel from the rooftops all day night and day.

for years i imagined that black name tag and yucko shoes, and what it would be like to wake up every morning and to have one purpose.

for years i hoped and prayed to go on a mission. that day has come!

my bags are mostly packed, my friends squeezed and tearfully waved off, my to do's are depleting, and the hour of my mtc express curbside no-stopping-necessary drop off is ever approaching. mere hours ago i was set apart as a missionary of the lord. i feel upheld and still and peaceful and calm. i don't feel ready, no, not by any means--i wish there was more time!--but here it is. at long last. i'm really doing this. i'm really going. i'm really gone, actually.

so i wanted to write one final post. this is it. not really final final--by any means--but just... you know. final. i wanted to say, first and foremost...quick story: i once had a dear friend engaged. i was, to be honest, deeply hurt by her lack of care as she forgot to call me back or forgot to meet up with me or forgot about this or that. i wanted to neeeever make anyone else feel that way. but guess what? now i know. i see what it's like to have. no. time. i see what its like to forget your BRAIN and to dash about like crazy--hurting people all along the way because you're so frazzled. for this--and for my hypocrisy--i am truly sorry to those i hurt as i was hurt. please understand it wasn't intentional. i love you. i care for you. i fail at texting, calling, emailing, faxing, morse code-ing or pigeon-ing back. i fail! please accept my sincere apology and know that, despite my seeming absence, flagrant disregard and lack of care--i care. i care deeply. i feel richly, profoundly and beautifully blessed. it's indescribable. i feel sooo supported. i read your texts, i hear your voicemails, and i see your emails. and i am profoundly grateful for your selflessness in giving to someone who does not then give in return; i sense your love, and i am so grateful for it! you are my godsend! your support means the world!

ah, with that said, i take my leave from the blogging world, from the texting world, from the calling world, from the non-amish clothing world,... from the world. i will be here though. i will be there, i mean, but i will be here in spirit. i will be anxious and grateful and prayerful for you, my sweet, fellow blogger, reader, and friend. i will be excited for the new and exciting developments in your life. i know you are prone to greatness! and i will allllllways love to hear from you. :)

Until August 2010:

Hermana Tawny Christensen
MTC Mailbox # 161
CA-SD 0803
2005 N 900 E
Provo, UT 84604-1793

Until November 2011:

Hermana Tawny Christensen
California San Diego Mission
7404 Armstrong Pl
San Diego, CA 92111-4912

and so now, finally--at long last!--i make my way into my own dreams. here i go--me, with all my uncertainties, my worries, my doubts, my imperfections, my dreams, my hopes, my aspirations, my goals, my friends, my family, my testimony, my faith, my hope and my love, to where i have been called. i know that our redeemer lives, and loves us! there is a plan for each of us; God knows us, loves us, and guides us individually!

"oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me enough to die for me! oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!"

we are so blessed with this knowledge. the church is true. and now, my friends and loved ones, i bid you all farewell. my bretheren, adieu.

real quick, bro!

2010-05-21T10:52:00.004-06:00

I just wanted to share a funny little blurb from bro's latest bestest letter:

"Let's start with this. The days go by like weeks and the weeks go by like days. be prepared to enter the time warp that is the MTC. You'll be sitting in class like, 'Wow, today is forever long,' then by the time you can spell Obama it will be P-day. I am almost two months through and I feel like we were just barely eating Bailey's at the kitchen counter. Remember that time flies!"

And indeed it does--as amply demonstrated.

This is a time of many changes. He's rollin out to Chile on Tuesday! ...right around the time I'm getting set apart. Here we go!

26 days

2010-05-01T10:43:00.002-06:00

“If we tell that story right, in a human way with a human touch, I think it will make all the difference. It’s not just the interesting and fascinating and really marvelous technology; that helps us to tell the story. But the story is what we need to tell--with feeling.”

-Richard Hinckley

(Dedication of the Mormon Battalion Historic Site, 26 March 2010)

and i make my return

2010-04-25T19:53:00.019-06:00

at long last!

a lengthy explanation is unnecessary. this will suffice:

i've been a little busy.

here's what i've got.

"move" was a beautiful time! i love dancing.

i also love the people i dance, learn, and grow with, as well as the fun times we have after the shows.

i am blessed to have such incredible friends and family to come support me. are you serious? they are the best. it means the world. really.

jesse's dad treated my fam to an overnight stay in park city. we hit the slopes and loved it!

thanks!

jesse had his legitimate homecoming. he did a great job!

i got to spend a week with these clowns while their parents (and mine) traipsed around the caribbean.

we had a way better time than they did.

no, seriously.

the fam went to dizzyland for bro's last shebang. it. was. AWESOME.

the sibs totally soaked. it's a love/hate relash we have with splash mountain.

TOWER OF TERROR!

our best thing.

we look freakin sick in our wicked awesome ponchos

dumbo was seriously my favorite ride.

"call me ansel adams."

(refer to above comment)

standing on the brink of eternity--

march 4, my endowment day.

oh, blessed day. gratitude knows no bounds.

Called to Serve!

SanD, Brazil, Chile, Chile, Honduras.

here we are at the Manti temple.

un. real.

may 22, 2009. mal and i were in hawaii. she turned 20 years old. she's one in a million and it seemed only appropriate to get some brian tickets IMMEDIATELY. so i did. that was over a year ago...

march 11, 2010. here we are celebrating.

it was the best.

thanks for being born mally, surrrrrre love ya.

LONG LIVE BRIAN!

he's my hero.

congrats to sister saliby! the baltic mission? you will ROCK IT! love you, jess!

so many congrats to my sassar! sister stratton! staisha croatia! you are UNREAL. i love you!

jess, steve and nate played their gorgeous song for chase in guitars unplugged. they're so great.

(will and kristen even braved the zoobs to come)

we scored some g con tickets... best time!

i fell more and more in love with my roommates

and my bro left on his mish.

we are so dang proud of him. he is such a stellar example to us all.

his wit, sense of humor, enthusiasm, and goodness are missed, but we get to live this experience with him. i'm so grateful for prayer, our knowledge of forever families, and that i have a wonderful brother who is willing to leave the comforts of his home and life for two years to give to the Lord and to some rad Chileans. i love the kid so much.

go bro.

march 24

my sweet ma entitled this photo "MTC Bound."

here we go.

__________________________________________________

i think that concisely summarizes the happenings of the past whiles of my life for now.

bis später.

no words

2010-03-06T22:49:00.004-07:00

is.

2010-02-14T19:40:00.011-07:00

"soonish" has come.

I wanted to share one of my highlights from 2009, my thanksgiving trip to israel.

there really are no words, my friends. it was suuuuch a blessed opportunity that I will never ever ever in a million thousand years forget. i saw and felt things that were and are fundamental for my testimony and existence.

we woke up to this.

the sea of galilee.

unreal.

this pic was for my eltern: it says somethin "tonkiona."

Nazareth

St Peter's fish...whole. pri-tty tasty!

fished straight out of the galilee.

armageddon valley

mount tabor.

ooookay

This was my absolute favorite part of the en.ti.re. week.

We sat on the hill, being refreshed by the warm wind, the vast armageddon valley vista, and the tingling spirit. Although some argue between Mount Tabor and Mount Hermon, a modern prophet of God--Spencer W Kimball--testified that Mount Tabor was the Mount of Transfiguration after he had a sacred, personal experience there. Despite all geographical evidence persuading otherwise, the powerful spirit sealed President Kimball's testimony in my heart in a beautiful moment that made me so incredibly grateful for personal revelation, the spirit, and Jesus Christ.

the mediterranean!

solid marble older than history itself.

a med vista.

i didn't even realize the mediterranean was so close. honestly. GORGEOUS.

(and i loooooooooooooooooooooved the wind factor always!)

masada. ancient palaces and fortifications on a 1300 foot rock plateau overlooking the dead sea.

really?

the lowest place on earth... everything floats here!

the dead sea.

i was stoooked for a good long swim... but soon found that the buoyancy factor and acidity would not allow such hobbies.

bethlehem.

temple mount.

Jerusalem.

there is such a vast history here--incredible!

the only exact place we are 100% sure He walked.

Thanks Colb, for remembering that tidbit from your nt class--how neat!

a stable.

(so different that our perception, no?)

2,000 year old olive trees.

Gethsemane.

ah! visits with dear Israelites!

the moon from their front door.

our wise guide, Daniel Rona.

the spirit was absolutely incredible.

we had time to sit and ponder in this sacred place--an unparalleled experience.

I am so grateful for our Savior, Jesus Christ, for the life He lived and for the perfect example He is for us. I saw where He was born. I walked where He walked, talked, healed, preached, and taught. I went to Gethsemane and Golgotha, the places where He suffered inexplicable pains for us. I saw the tomb--it was empty. He suffered, died, and was resurrected so we can return to Him and God the Father. This is the testimony I leave--that He lives!

I recognize how blessed blessed blessed I am to know what I know. I am constantly buoyed by the eternal and complete gospel of Jesus Christ, saving grace and His all-encompassing atonement. The church is true, and I am so unbelievably grateful for it.

In the sacred name of Jesus Christ, Amen!

bahaaa

2010-02-07T21:39:00.005-07:00

I'm making this face right now--

because i know that i have failed in my blogging capacities...again.

so what i have decided to do--in recompense--is provide a series of "parts" of my leben as of late.

partay uno--being the break.

partay zwei--being the nuevo ano.

partay tres--being a snippet of my thanksgiving iz highlight. (this will come soon. ish.)

long time comin-- pt 2

2010-02-05T21:00:00.001-07:00

part two--ano nuevo

jesse's dad totally hooked us up with a sweet room at a resort in pc (more commonly known as Parkh Cityyy for those of you who aren't familiar with such lingo. mosdef was that way once). we stayed in a classy room that jt himself (justin timberlake) had once used (or something). ha. we brought the new year in with style as we partied, swam, banged pots, pillow-fought, ate deliciousness, spilled veggies all over the floor (ahem. stef.), cried during My Sister's Keeper, slept peacefully in those fluffy beds, begged for syrup, played catch a phrase and just had a glorious time.

they provided robes...

and classy shampoo, conditioner, and bath salts.

i love this photo. sooo funny.

the master.

he placed everything strategically onto plates and into bowls, and cautiously poured our beverages into wine glasses.

i second this toast.

and that was that.

merry 2010, everybody.

long time comin-- pt 1

2010-02-05T20:38:00.002-07:00

part one--the break:

the christmas holiday was all too much for me too take in. it came and went like spring in Utah. my biggest fear was that I would spend too much of my time falling asleep all over the place, or not getting anything done that I'd wanted to--being the sleep- and time-deprived student I am. I tried to make the most of it. I made a list of all the things I wanted to "machen" (do) and "lesen" (read) in my journal. I'll expound for you:

machen

-klavier (piano) (i really did write these german words. ha. oh, how i miss it.)

-sew

-READ

-bake

-letters

-cut hair? slash think of nails? consider being feminine. (ha.)

-temmmmples

-dance

-jesse

-gifts

-hp (harry potter. of courrrse)

-ashley sarg

-ali

-ali/aimee

(i've come to that. i've gotta put people on to-do lists so i make it happen. when and why did this happen?)

lesen

-bom

-pmg

-ensign (still workin on finishin up my conf editish! yiiikes.)

-holy temple (by boyd k. familiar? ooooh!)

-neal a quotebook (given from kristen for masChrist. sooweet)

-true to the faith

-our herit

-marvelous w/w

-die bibel

i packed up a few bags and spent the week living and breathing at home. beautiful. how i love the home-y feel!

i spent the break doing all of the above things, and time was predictably incredibly sparse.

that's what the holidays do for you though, every moment is too short and too good.

most of my list-ish things aren't photographic or photograph-able... question mark. so here are just a few from the fun times with amigos.

oreoooo shake. i admit defeat.

droid.

pretend excitement.

so we played spoons.

with knives..

that were transparent...

can you see them?

ha. it was hard.

but i won!

when stef got out.

this is just moments after he was bragging about how he always won everything.

ha ha ha.

who took this action shot?

ha you can't even see the "spoons!"

me goin for the kill...

totally won.

kels was just a moment too late.

fooooosball.

can you say: "SMEAL"?

yo bro

2010-02-05T19:51:00.008-07:00

Well well well. It's been aaaaages.

I've been meaning to post these good shots for quite some time now.

My bro got his call at the beginning of January.

so much excitement! bring out the pocket knife...

lookin good!

We're so dang proud of him!

Chile Santiago West Mission, March 24th.

He's so stoked, and we are all thrilled. :)

arrived it has

2010-01-18T22:10:00.007-07:00

well, this is it!

hiiiiii friends. I don't usually do this, but i wanted to blog a little blurb about the show opening on saturday. if you're interested in some soweet entertainment, make your way to the covey saturday through saturday for moooove! (*tuesday and wednesday are five bones for students.)

i'm really excited for the opportunity i have to dance and move (literally. pun?)--i am so grateful for an able body and for the happiness i find through movement! so blessed!

if you're into dance, come love the show.

there's my blurb. i feel a little silly with this self-announcement. yeah...done. over and out.

have a great day!

it's been christmas around here

2009-12-30T18:24:00.018-07:00

well, i've returned.

the school year ended with a big bang and many tender mercies. i had a beautiful semester, full of more growth, answered prayers and saving grace than ever before. i know the our heavenly father listens to and answers prayers! i've even managed to obtain a job--after how many months of searching? it practically fell into my lap.

between the time school ended and christmas officially began for the work world, i was trained, per say. during those last few weeks of school, i literally could not give christmas a thought... i didn't have the brain capacity to think of the gifts to buy slash make for people--there was no room whatsoever. and then with the job training until wednesday.. i got to most of my christmas preparations a bit later than usual.

kurtis and i started the grinch around two in the morning on christmas eve when i'd finally finished most of my garb and we kept saying, "it doesn't even feel like christmas eve," with slight disappointment mingled with our excitement. there's nothing like that extreme anticipation that came around christmastime in the younger years of life. it felt surreal to us, as i'm sure it did to many of you. i've felt that way about christmas for a long time now; i think i grew up a little too fast. I still feel so fondly for Christmas!

(duh, who doesn't?)

i guess--what i'm trying to say--is that things have changed. you know? but it's a good change.

anyway, we had a beautiful christmas. the 25th was a fun-filled morning of will's hash bowns/eggs, kristen's bacon, and serious and not-so-serious gifts. i think kaylynn and colby won this year when the gave kurtis ten dollars.... trapped inside a miniature pinball game that he had to beat before he could have the money. haaa. even with high-larious things like that, it was a meaningful time.

we've spent this Christmas with loved ones eating, visiting the cemeteries, and partying. i love, so much, Christmastime--it brings us all back to one another!

_____________________________________

and now, some photos of the times. the break has been full of things i love:

friends and reunitings.

roommate christmas party: homemade pizza and gift exchange. it was a blasty!

nicole, shayna, chels, mak and mal.

beauties.

love these girls.

thanks, nicole!

ahhhha. nighty inspired by ali mercer.

(here's the story. a year ago i dreamt of having a nightgown. i told ali and she gave me one for christmas 08. i wore it to bed one night when mal and i were living in hawaii and she thought i was absolutely insane to be wearing a silky, red flowery nightgown. ha ha. ali inspired it and now the memory will live on.)

___________________________________

the lovely marie bates has been called to the slc mish. we parted ways and i wished her my best. she will be such a stalwart sister!

congrats, maria, i love you! thanks so much for your consistent examp of charity and humility!

__________________________________

a bunch of the uads girls got together at classy b.o.

i am always amazed at how easy it is to be with them--even when its been years since i've seen some of them.

i love you girls so much!

ali, betty, ashley, racheal, silvia and natalie.

k8r the gr8.

viel lieb.

_________________________________

family.

unfortunately i don't have many phots of all our gatherings.

just trust me when i say it's been a wonderful time.

and...

i've been able to spend hours at end doing what i love--

making my room into a complete disaster of organized, paper-y chaos. :)

oh, and i received a new camera. I am thrillllllllllllllllllllllllled about it.

_________________________________________

and that's that.

school's starting up again in the next few days. considering how excited i was for it to end, the excitement i feel for it to begin again is quite paradoxical. i have my last two generals and allllllll major/minor classes. i am incredibly anxious to delve into it--especially my bible as literature class. ahhh. i'm sure it'll be another good semester, as they all are.

until my next post--you know what i'll be doing:

schooling

workin the new job

dancing for the show opening in less than three weeks. ha.

spending time with liebers

etc

a few weeks ago, a girl at church said, "Christmas is a state of mind."

i'm going to try living there.

the friendship tree

2009-12-27T11:53:00.008-07:00

this is not to say we are not any of these things anymore; but, rather, that we have been forced to grow up a bit since:

we were seniors--carefree, queens of the world, free spirits, adventurous and lively. we partook of the now widely-forgotten free time on the daily.

we enjoyed wheat bread, adams and jam--toasted. we puddle jumped in the flash flood: we laid in the gutter and got stared at and splashed big time by cars. we went chalking. we took electoral signs from neighboring cities (stealing, dishonest, bad. i know now.) and stuck in them in kerry downs' front yard. we put flour all over the car and waited for baby hands to leave marks as they pushed us up the hill. we jumped in the freezing river, went streaking, rhino riding and bizzing. we slept all around orem (as in rem sleep)... soccer fields, cascade, etc. soup friday. temple thursday. brother brown. chase. siblings. friends. kneaders. kites. baths and fingernail bits. sleepovers. dance. golf. senior year. graduation. college. life.

we found this perfect tree. we climbed it and called it ours. we immortalized it all by etching our names into its thick bark. we told our english class and found out which of our classmates were truly concerned about nature--surprisingly, kerry was included. we didn't care. we loved that tree with our carved names, we loved each other, and we loved life.

sassar, you are a forever friend. although our friendship tree moments are interspersed more than an earlier era of our lives, my gratitude, appreciation and love for you is no less alive. i love you.

see ya at the friendship tree.

just in time for christmas

2009-12-03T12:27:00.007-07:00

kristen, my dear mother, and kaylynn, my dear sister, have combined and combusted ideas and talent to produce an epic seasonal fest. this coming saturday, december 5, they will be holding their yearly christmas jewelry marathon. come to see lovely jewels, beads and such in the form of earrings, necklaces, and bracelets.

time: 12 noon-6

location: my house. (i'm wary to put my address here. let me know if you need an address.)

manner: refreshments served.

come oodle and munch. the way i see it, if you don't see something you like for yourself, you'll find something for someone for Something (aka christmas). tis the season; come for gifts and a great time.

reward

2009-12-02T17:24:00.004-07:00

"just slap an ending on there," i told myself. so i jumped on it, threw a conclusion on that paper, and here's my reward--a spare blogging second.

i have been quite estranged from this world. i know. i apologize. i then i take that apology back again because sometimes there's just no time.

i wanted to give a series of shout outs to my good buddy, tal-meister, whom i am soooooooo stinkin proud of. he's worked long and hard for this day to come, and come it has.

congrats my classy friend. brazil won't know what it em. march 31st can't come speedily enough.

thanks for bein there, tal. you're a good man, and a treasured amigo of mine. i want you to know how much i appreciate your

a) examp

b) testimony

c) temple time

d) humor

e) music sensibility

f) diction

g) late night bike riding ideologies

h) choice advice

i) insomnia-maniac ways "I'm going to kill a mockingbird"

j) realism and honesty

k) identity

l) refer to a-k

surrrrrrrrrre love ya, tal. way to be.

define...

2009-11-17T19:45:00.001-07:00

Garbage:

Results from statistical analyses performed on non-random samples or experimental data obtained without random allocation of treatments to individuals.

ummm? ha ha.

don't go in the street if there's a car. ...well what about how fast it's going? just don't go in the street! [30 works.]

2009-11-15T16:19:00.009-07:00

(CLT. central limit theorem.)

you know you're doing something wrong when you're finding stats humorous.

since we've last spoken...

we had a glorious Wien reu.

It was blessed and beautiful and blissful and soooo incredibly wonderful to hear everyone's good news. marriages, engagements, mission calls (the millenium will be beginning over in the germany, austria, switzerland area. seriously. tons of calls to that area). it was a great but impartial group.

alyse got married.

kels was the maid of honor and looked stuuuuuning. the wedding was a gigantic success.

yoasis reu.

i love you girls, really. i wish we could make these occurrences regular.

my grandparents and i went canning.

more like bagging--frozen raspberries, blueberries, boysenberries... ohh baby.

maken took me to a byu game. first ever.

(it's not that i've never had an offer to go, i've just never accepted. but makena looooves football and she's helping me see the light.)

we celebrated halloween around here.

(makena is hialrious.)

missing black woman shayna and fad-tastic makena at our stake dance.

kels=beauty

jeff=ryan adams the zombie

neil's bro=star wars?

neil=halo?

talley=dinosaur

a young kyle grey=brigham young

tc=a stike all match

we went to regina...

and we loved it...

...and she soothed my eardrums, brain, and eyeballs.

? ha. somehow.

it's been good. things are good. life is just plain good.

"Still, like water, I remember where I was before I straightened out.”

2009-10-20T18:26:00.000-06:00

No matter how “fictonal” the account of these writers, or how much it was a product of invention, the act of imagination is bound with memory. You know, they straightened out the Mississippi River in places, to make room for houses and livable acreage. Occassionally the river floods these places. “Floods” is the word they use, but in fact it is not flooding; it is remembering. Remembering where it used to be. All water has a perfect memory and is forever trying to get back to where it was. Writers are like that: remembering where we were, what valley we ran through, what the banks were like, the light that was there and the route back to our original place. It is emotional memory—what the nerves as the skin remember as well as how it appeared. And a rush of imagination is our “flooding.”

-Inventing the Truth, 198-9.

epictetus was on to something

2009-10-19T14:41:00.002-06:00

"Don't demand that things happen as you wish,

but wish that they happen as they do happen,

and you will go on well."

i prefer my milk ice cold.

2009-10-15T19:41:00.014-06:00

As it is seemingly customary, I blog now with many a thing to say and show due to my blogging ineptness.

I thought Raintree would be mediocre at best, but I have been majorly surprised.I have the world's coolest roommates, greatest (and biggest) ward, and neatest bishop. It's nice being close to campus--I embrace this change. I have loved riding my bike to and from school. I don't have to leave 30-40 minutes early. I get great parking. I ride uphill to campus, becoming slightly breathless. I get to feel the wind all around me, and have my lungs filled that fresh fall feeling. Oh, how I have loved lately--getting pelted with orange, brown, or red leaves as ride there, back, or somewhere in between.

I am reminded that life is what I make it.

I loved Sunday night; I came home with both banana and honey whole wheat bread, makena with carrot cake, nicole with no-bake cookies, chelsea with pumpkin cupcakes, jeff (home teacher) with rice pudding, and Jesse/Sven with a crepe, some rice krispies and chocolate chip cookies. It's always a party around here.

I love being in the middle of everything, the diagonal? Agh!

I love our fridge. Why is it always so full? What is it so full of? What is that smell? Where the freak are my eggs? Why are they all cracked?! Oh yeah, because it's freezing in there--literally! no matter how much we adjust the temperature, my things are always icy. But i tell ya... the milk that goes in my bowl makes for cereal that has never tasted so good.

It doesn't feel like a huge transition. I am loving it. I am happy. I am grateful.

Mally Mal girl. Roomy.

Jesse set up the bookshelf--what a man.

Makena brought the pink tool kit--what a woman.

And here we are at our primero fhe gathering.

L-->R

Shayna "Bell"

ich

Mak dog

Nicole

Chelsea

(Mal=m.i.a.)

Hawaiian/Provonian roommates collided in Utah--

remember zell and marie?

quiet house dwellers?

ahhhh they are just the best.

i left a part of my heart in their palms

and in laie.

__________________

Next.

a VERRRRRRRY happy birthday to this wonderful woman!

three necklaces later, she stands, a freshly birthed twenty-year old.

what a beauty, no?

impeccable style, no?

i could stare all day.

(not in a weird way. ha. but seriously.)

after the after party celebration, her choice of fried ice cream and mario kart. N64. ya!

Kels, happy birthday.

I love you, and will love you to my dying day.

No, not even until then, the love will carry over in to the eternities because you are worth holding on to. Way worth it. You're the best, thanks for being such an inspiring, remarkable, incredible friend. I love you. Happy day!

20.

__________________

As a Utahan and a Mormon, it would seem standard protocol for me to have attended at least one sesh of g-con. Alas, I am apparently the exception to that rule.

My cute Canadian cousins invited me the weekend of--best surprise ever! I drove up Sunday evening, slept at their luxurious suite with them, dined like Queens the next morning (Little America. Um, wow.), and enjoyed Sunday morning session on the balcony of the beautiful conference center.

It was a transpiration to remember. :)

Carly introduced me to Eggs Benedict, and Josie hand picked luscious red- and black-berries for me.

Gracias for the meal, ladies.

Ahhh such a stunning place!

__________________

Then

I had the sweet sweet opportunity to see my Viennese American roommate wedded.

Melisser, many many congrats, lovely lady.

While there, I got to see...

...timeless treasure R&B--who happens to be Melisser's cousin.

(Picture this [pun]: Whilst in Österreich, I posted a photograph of a bunch of us on a bike-ride from Melk to Krems. Naturlich, I tagged those I was with, and, naturlich, people commented. Imagine my surprise when R&B wrote, "What the--Tawny, Melissa is my cousin!" Her kusine, my mitbewohnerin.)

...as well as a bunch of blessed babes, aka wien kindreds.

What a time, love yous.

Can't wait for that reu, Covey.

the bon voyage

2009-09-23T18:24:00.003-06:00

another christensen cruise came and went with great success.

props to will, for articulately planning and graciously sponsoring the whole shebang.

here are some fots for your enjoyment.

and mine.

probably more mine.

what beauty, no?

in no particular nor chronological order--the events of the week.

-beauty

-scuba diving

-beach

-hearty eats

-etc.

i'm done attempting to enumerate.

it was just a great vacation.

we became purse people. a phenomenon of sorts!

st. maarten. scuba duba.

when we ate like kings.

accidental.

yet again.

i'm becoming so fond of these; maybe i'll make it a tradish to capture one with every venture.

st. thomas, u.s. virgin islands.

aaaaaaaaah.

maagen's bay. got me, kurtis, the bay, and some clouds.

now there's a selfer.

(i'm horrible at them! ha! but really.)

maagen's.

good call kay and colb bringing the wii in your carry-on.

they are masterminds and wii extraordinaires.

(i was wasted and worked each race.)

sometimes i wish i was an aly williams cook or a kate panelley peterson so i could justify photos like this due to legitimate skills in the photography region.

first day. i guess i didn't get the memo to be ugly on purpose.

this picture is my family in a nutshell... and i LOVE it. kaylynn and i sat laughing at this for a solid five minutes the first time we saw it. please just be sure to look at will in the background.

hey look, there's our ship! there! in the background! just behind us! we're probably just standing on the water in dress and pair of heels...

i'm sure.

i'm not a fan of lame, tacky backgrounds like this. i mean, just pose me next to the railing and give me a REALISTIC background, maybe? we are in the middle of the ocean you know.

there's my two cents on that. i just think it looks freakin white trash.

(except we look pretty dang classy.)

i had to get in on this--the houses in the hills, enshrouded. so beautiful!

ha. kaylynn had had.... ahem, a less than enjoyable scuba experience.

coooooolb!

good call, combining the nightly sorbet with his sprite.

our man and woman (waiter-friends) thought he was slightly crazy.

best times.

uber wind=my love.

the gals.

again, thanks will for the week in paradise.

thanks all, for the memories.

π, i/w, sub0

2009-09-23T17:44:00.002-06:00

remember this?

Thanksgiving 2008.

we decided it was the time to journey to the past and recreate thatfond Wien recollection whilst, in all actuality, subsisting in provo.

it was a success: August 17, 2009!

(except, of course, for this burnt pie crust; it was later used for a frisbee.

literally.

then jake ate it.

who likes burnt stuff? honestly.)

chao for now sister perry!

she's off to the motherland (russia) to convert many a million souls with her stunning testimony of the restored gospel. what a woman.

______________________

iron and wine.

honestly, one of the best concerts i've attended. maybe ever. but really.

he played the bon apetit of all his tunes; super chill, beautiful stuff--always.

minus the overcrowdation--an overall success.

________________________

loooovin some subzero.

good call!

for you

2009-09-23T17:21:00.002-06:00

Dear Kelli,

the moment has since come and gone, buuuut...

back in july--the 16th to be exact--i was at a concert where john schmidt was, like me, a spectator (watching his son play in the show). he was involuntarily summoned and played a little jig for us. i thought of you; here is a token of love.

i took this photograph for youuuuu because ...

a) remember once upon a time when you posted that beeeeeautiful taylor swift song he did a rendition of?

b) remember how i LOVED it?

c) remember how i love you?

d) I was thinking of you as your triath approached.

so now, although, that has come and gone, i am freeeakin proud of you. what an accomplishment! you made a lofty goal for yourself, and you went for it. you killed it! i admire and respect you even more for your enthusiasm, zest, and endurance.

so here, long overdue, a post for you. :)

i love ya. i'm so happy about marko's success and your cutest cute family. you're a gem. keep being you and inspiring everyone around you to reach for greater heights. you're an inspiration to us all.

enjoy.

his cute daughter sang the words. it was adorable. :)

love, tawny

chasing pavements

2009-08-17T18:49:00.000-06:00

Kristen assured me it would be addicting.

She was correct.

Last week I was riding here (South Fork. Stunning)...

...and I saw one of these appear then disappear on the trail ahead of me:

Truly. Yes. Scared the bageezies out of me. I swerved and received my first flat.

Hilarious.

I lived to tell the tale.

_______________

Maybe I felt invincible after living through that for I willingly agreed to do a bike race that weekend--the ULCER: Utah Lake Century Epic Ride. It was beeeeeautiful! We rode all the way around Utah Lake. I found it remarkably ironic how ingenious words and ideas came to me at that time: the exact moment pens and notebooks were entirely out of reach. I had those--quickly evaporated and now inexplicable words--and songs flooding and occupying my brain the majority of the eight hours, driving me forward as I literally chased the pavements ahead. It was a long day for my brain, eyeballs, and quads. It was such a great experience; I'm super glad I was able to do it.

Thanks family, for the persuasion beforehand, for the soothing each of the 111 miles, and the for the fond memories afterwards. I'll never look at utah valley the same!

We are so blessed to be in this gorgeous place. :)

Most of the gang... we're just missing Pam and Craig--who were fixing their third flat by this point, I believe.

Ha.

"Epic" ride.

At the conclusion. I stood there too tired for words or movement, and that moment was captured effectively.

Naturlich.

For now, hold on to your children whilst in Provo Canyon... you never know where those black bears are lurking. (I promise that story is not fabricated. I honestly don't know what I'd do if that moment transpired again.) Keep tabs on all sides while canyoning.

For me, I'll keep chasing those pavements before our gorgeous valley is lined with cold cold whiteness.

envelop

2009-08-11T23:17:00.010-06:00

en⋅vel⋅op

[v. en-vel-uhp; n. en-vel-uhp, en-vuh-luhp, ahn-] Show IPA verb, -oped, -op⋅ing.noun -verb (used with object)

1. to wrap up in or as in a covering. The long cloak she was wearing enveloped her completely.

2. to serve as a wrapping or a covering for, as a membrane of an organ or a sheath.

3. to surround entirely.

This is it. I have been enveloped-- wrapped, covered, surrounded entirely--by it all: summer beginning, ending, and beginning again; finals, the entering-s and exiting-s of constants; the abundance of love from above.

To say the least: it has been a good time.

Oquirrh Mountain Temp.

Stunning.

Oquirrh Mountain Temple open house.

what a time.

the church is true.

love you, friends.

best times, best friends.

love you gals so much.

lets keep the tradish alive.

haaa aliface, no de-tagging here!

before tubing the provo.

(take your lifejackets, all. i'm serious. unless you like fines, tickets, and court dates, be sure to have a floatation device.)

this photo captures the wind chill- slash hilarity- factor of the moment with precision.

sundance lift times.

i have a great camera.

that's one of the most gorgeous full moons you'll ever behold; take note!

with the fires along the wasatch front, it was a smokey night; the moon was bright pink. ahhh.

i'm happy to report that kalai said he is probably the "hairiest elder's quorum secretary."

mehr zu kommen.

op: v

2009-07-29T15:20:00.012-06:00

july july has come and gone!

i am a bit overdue in sharing the joy from a few weeks ago.

At it again.

I was a counselor at Barbara Barrington Jones' camp for girls, Be the Best You Camp, a couple weeks ago. tm 101. My ten gals were 14 years old from all over the nation. They are some of the most amazing teens I've ever met; I was (and am) consistently astounded by their goodness, purity, and spunk. Barb talked about how each girl at camp was saved for this day because of her strength; after spending the week with my girls, I know that Barb was right on. Ah. I cannot summarize. Just looking at this picture of them below gives me goosebumps and slowing of speech. They are inspiring. Period. The week was surely more for me than for them. What angels.

We went to the soweeeeetest classes, participated in the neatest service projects, and had a grundle of fun. :) Enjoy these pictures--are these girls not gorgeous?

Top row, L-->R: Caitlin, Mikayla, Nonny, Megan, Brooke, Cady.

Bottom row, L-->R: Chantelle, Anna, Cristin, Ariana.

Princess party with Andrea!

movie night. inspirational film 101.

The final product.

Miracle 101.

When does primary children's NOT have blankets?

Barb called to offer blankets, feeling like it was a futile proposal, only to find they were

fresh out.

fresh out, and awfully needy.

In came 300+ girls, fleece ready, volunteering to donate right when there was a need.

r&b and ali, some stand-up amigas.

I stepped over an air vent unknowingly, and my girls laughed laughed laughed like they had never seen something funny before. This reenactment was begged for for documentation purposes.

How generous Stampin' Up was in letting us be ultra crafty!

silly

Our group name was Operation: Peace. We peaced it up all the time.

They were loving it.

Spa night/pj bonanza outcome. What babes.

Us in our classy oversized dress-ish things. Alliance.

Testimony night; aren't they beautiful?

The counselors. A ridiculously remarkable bunch of girls.

(Be the Best You)

that's us.

cafeteria grub.

SO RAD! Look at them! Patriotic party.

"I am born to be great, I am born to be great, I am born to be born born to be great Father Father up in Heaven, help me know from up above, I am born to be great, oh, Father, show me the Love!..."

Peacing.

Legitimately.

That was a sad parting, indeed.

There you have it.

Our American Idol.

The girls loved it.

While they were counting up the ballots, "Simon" and... the other guy... performed. This was legitimate and it was soweet. He just rapped this rap from three words shouted out from the aud. America's got talent.

This is tragically short, but here is a brief demonstration of how rad these girls are. They're doing our swanky chant and loving every minute of it.

______________

I look back and honestly cannot believe what a week of prayer, growth, prayer, laughter, exhaustion, prayer, insight, prayer, and enlightenment it was. Heavenly Father is so smart. He somehow knows just what we need, when we need it, and how we can learn it.

1972

2009-07-28T18:07:00.001-06:00

"The fact is that gossip, rumors, mythmaking, and news stories are not appropriate vehicles for the communication of nuances of truth, those subtle tonalities that are often the truly crucial elements in a causal chain. So it is time for the defense, for a long session in demythology. But I will not apologize. It is absurd to apologize for a mystery." -Chaim Potok, My Name is Asher Lev.

lah-di-dah

2009-07-03T01:48:00.001-06:00

Is an explanation necessary?

"And that's a wrap," they say.

Goodbye, life, and mahalo to you!

After the semester in polynesia, i made use of the freedom within my reach by a solo and spontaneous drive for my first saint george slash paramount Zion's experience. Dreams. Thank you to natasha for your generous accommodations.

Post therapeutic drive to utah valley i found myself making it again less than 24 hours later with the plentiful family to the sacred lake of powell for a dream weekend there. what a privilege! thank you, grandparents! a most memorable occasion!

And now, on to it.

School. Eighth consecutive semester. 9 credits. I joke with myself, "It will never end. I cannot get enough of it. Who wants to graduate anyway?" Someday it will end, though I am having too much fun enjoying the endless possibilities to learn, grow, and acquire new, insightful knowledge from such an unmatched university to dwell on the endless "credits needed" blares.

A recent, commonly-referred to favorite:

"Things will work out.

Keep trying.

Be believing.

Be happy.

Don't get discouraged.

Things will work out."

-Gordon Bitner Hinckley

Ensign, June, 1995

the comings and the goings.

a whole boat load of them.

artist's touch

my heart and soul are floating in this lake.

late-night swims left me shivering but exhilarated.

thank you.

zest is his motto.

you know what they say about dog being a man's best friend.

amen.

meet stein and steffi--recent additions to the christensen clan.

to all inquiries: yes. that is indeed an owl.

switchbacks are stairs

tender mercy tash

unbelievable vista

one-time-chaco-twinner mandi christensen (non-related relative)

rainfall was considered dangerous to some, but heavenly to me.

how dare my mother send me with these to cloud the way of our presupposed healthful ideologies.

first santa jorge experience was marked with "completion" by this addition.

good to see you again sweetness.

Dear 55-109 Naupaka Street Laie, HI, 96762,

I will never forget you.

I will not miss the cockroaches, spiders, sand-clogged-ankle-flooded showers,

nor the ghastly sewage explosions.

No, oh no!

I will, however, miss your panarama,

your cooler stocked with Mal's overpriced Häagen-Dazs, our frozen Oreos,

or my "italian squash".

I will miss Ken, the semi-sightless Landlord, and his sweet family,

even the sporadic friends who forgot to implement the term "timeless" into our relationship.

The mail was slow, the AC low, the burner a-blow.

Sunday meals,

"THE HILL"

Rain-showers,

nearby baptism and bikini beaches,

Marie, Zell, Jess, Danielle, Chris, Keola, Carla, Ariel, Natalie, Kim, Hollie, Brady many more, who made my stay here me adore!

You were good to me 55-109, Quiet House, bottom Left. I say:

"Aloha. You are my aloha. I aloha you. Aloha!"

love, tawny.

What is that 26 doing there?

Makeshift local grocer. Harmon's, I embrace your low prices.

Please, step into my office and study with me.

gladly.

Thank you, Aloha Center, for your guidance, post office, and Seasiders-- We did love your cinnamon bread!

"That's the end of that." -Logan

From a recent excursion with kp.

I asked her what she wanted to do with our bountiful freizeit (free time), and she said she'd always wanted to write her testimony in a balloon and send it off for a soul to find. What an angel with such pure intentions! I am blessed with such great influences. thanks kels, love you!

d&c 109:7

2009-06-02T18:24:00.007-06:00

"Seek ye diligently and teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom, seek learning even by study and also by faith;"

That scrip has been my motto as of late as I've reached for a Good Read.

I stumbled upon this noteworthy brief by Charles Steizle in correlation to Alma 60:21-23 that I would now like to allocate:

"What must I do to be damned? Nothing. That's all. You're damned--condemned--if you just sit still. That is the law of this physical world.

"If you sit still long enough, you'll never get up again. If you never lift your arm, you'll soon be unable to raise it at all. If you remain in darkness and never use your eyes, you'll soon become blind.

"It is the law in the mental world. If you never exercise your brain--never read, study, not talk to anyone, never permit anyone to talk to you, your mind will become blank--maybe you'll become insane.

"The most horrible punishment that could be inflicted upon you is not twenty years of hard labor, but twenty years of solitary confinement.

"It's the law of the spiritual world. Simply shut your heart to all truth, and after a while you won't be able to believe anything--that is the severest penalty for not accepting truth.

"The process of disintegration and death begins when a man shuts himself out from the forces that make for life. The body and mind and spirit are kept alive through constant constructive use" (Utah Labor News, December 12, 1937).

I've come to find that if I can commit my brain cells and eyeballs to focus on the words, I can find personal enjoyment and meaning even in involuntary reads (exhibit a: my "cursed" biology or physical science labors):

"The great american naturalist explained it this way: If the biota, in the course of aeons, has built something we like but do not understand, then who but a fool would discard seemingly useless parts? To keep every cog and wheel is the first precaution of intelligent tinkering."

-Aldo Leopold

"We must consider out planet to be on loan from our children, rather than being a gift from our ancestors." -Norwegian Prime Minister GH Brundtland

"Extinction is irrevocable; plant diversity is a nonrenewable resource. The tropical rain forest may be a medicine chest of healing plants that could become extinct before we even know they exist. If we begin to see rain forests and other ecosystems as living treasures that can regenerate only slowly, we may learn to harvest their products at sustainable rates."

Hawaii has tm'd me with plenteous time to read through several of my musts. If it's okay with you, I'd like to include some riveting quotations:

"Share this truth as if it were one of the most precious gifts ou could give someone--for it truly is." -Errand of Angels, 62

"Sometimes there are moments in life where you can feel heaven and stop and watch." -Errand of Angels, 193

"None of us can afford to slacken. All of us need to stand up and declare the truth. Walk in faith and faithfulness. Do good. Help others and bring glory to the great cause of the Lord Jesus Christ in these latter days." -Errand of Angels, 130

"Do you want to commune with the Infinite? Then approach Him with reverence and humility. Don't worry so much about whether your words are polished or not. Worry instead about speaking from your heart. In faith, set before Him your righteous desires and your petitions, knowing that He will hear you... Without faith, our prayers are merely words. With faith, our prayers connect with the powers of heaven and can bring upon us increased understanding, hope, and power... Faith without works is dead. Sometimes we expect Heavenly Father to answer our prayers when all we have done is utter a prayer. The doors of heaven will ever be closed to those who hold out their hands waiting for the blessings of heaven to drop from heaven upon them." -Joseph B Wirthlin; "Go to the Lord with both the smallest and largest of concerns. Learn to depend on Him for your very breath, and work with the knowledge that nothing can be done without your feet hitting the pavement." Errand of Angels, 123

"In matters of eternity, influence flows both ways through time. Only one need ponder the effects of the Lord's atonement to see that is so." -The Holy Secret, 198

"Indeed the safest road to Hell is the gradual one--the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts." -The Screwtape Letters, 61.

"The characteristic of Pains and Pleasures is that they are unmistakably real, and therefore, as far as they go, give the man who feels them a touchstone of reality." -The Screwtape Letters, 64

What inspired counsel to seek wisdom out of the best of books! Amen to that.

haleiwa, shark's cove

2009-05-25T21:33:00.008-06:00

Meet our instructor, Hank-probably. No, seriously, this is not a joke, he truly was The Man orienting us. Get ready.

Thanks, Hank, or whatever your name was.

(P.S. His beard was real. I asked.)

North Shore, baby.

windswept has always been a favorite word. now i know why.

we waited in THIS line...

for THIS, the famed Matusmoto shaved ice.

It was mosdef all it was talked up to be!

Okay, so I realize I post a lot of photos with food. I don't know why that is. I do, however, know that this--coconut fried ice cream--was to DIE for! Has anyone ever had such Thai delight before?

____________________________________________

We spent our day today at Shark's Cove. What perfection for both snorkel- and scuba-ers, what with the mild waves, the warm depths, and the hoards of fish schools. Easily. Just normal Perfect stuff, like always.

t.m.a.i., right?

(t.d.f., right? ha)

And again, food. This is another widely-acclaimed dish Mallos and I were told we must sample whilst on Oahu: the Açai Bowl: all of my favorite essen components--smoothie, granola, fresh fruit. Give it a whirl (pun), I'm sure it wouldn't be terribly difficult to recreate. Just toss some açai dream in that frozen delight. For sure.

tight like unto a dish

2009-05-25T17:26:00.004-06:00

Thank you to a young kyle grey for that.

Friday night i stole my own egg-mattress off my own bed, dragged it out to my own lawn chair on our patio, and set up my own camp for the night.

I've been wanting to sleep out for... ever since I got here. I had my pillow, sheets, and blanket perfectly and precisely positioned, and I wrapped them closely around my curvature as my brain whizzed in fear about those gigantic cockroaches looming near, awaiting fresh loitering ground. But I was tightly taco-wrapped, and slept mostly roach free (i hope). It was a perfect night for this; a slight breeze, no clouds, shooting stars, an obvious milky way, and an early sunrise. I'm only telling you this because it was one of my highlights thus far. Apart from my ever-present roach trepidation, it was perfect. The waves lulled me to sleep and I wanted to take a picture for my much-neglected blog; but, alas, my securely wound body and tired brain relented. Ha. That explains this description.

It's been a perfect weekend. I overuse the word perfect, but any and all other seemingly fitting words avail me; we'll stick with Perfect, capital P. For Mal's Twentieth and Jessica's GOLDEN Twenty-second birthdays, we treated ourselves to a weekend getaway to Waikiki. We beached, we ate, we slept, we laughed, we loved every moment of it! It ended nearly better than it began as Danielle (a sweet semi-roomy) had space in her car, so we got a ride home--which is such a TREAT! Bussing takes forrrrrrrever here. Let's put it this way--what was a 2.5 hour bus ride from Laie to Waikiki was 53 minutes in the reverse direction. And it was a beeeeautiful route, so I took plenty of pictures for your enjoyment (and mine; I busied myself the entire Perfect car ride with different shots of normal Perfect beaches along this normal Kamehameha highway in normal Perfect Oahu. The habitual things, activities, and scenery here sometimes boggle my brain).

Waikiki!

the gang

we had a fancy shmancy birthday dinner at cheesecake factory, oh joy.

(And ps--random. I brought my sheets because I thought i'd be sleeping on the floor; when I found out a bed would be available for me, I didn't want to have brought my sheets for nothing...so fashioned them into a dress. Ha ha ha.)

ahhhhh let the breeze-filled, windows-rolled-down CAR ride back home begin. :) best day.

And now, here are the shots collected from our journey back. Isn't the standard scenery here ridiculous?

way out yonder--china man's hat

as promised

2009-05-24T04:02:00.005-06:00

This is it kristen: my panorama from The Point as we chatted last Sabbath--stunning, no?

...and as the conversation furthered i wound up in my backyard:

featuring:

2009-05-20T21:43:00.026-06:00

--fire dancing world championship

--polynesian cultural center (pcc) day

--swap meet:

________________________________________

we managed to get some freeeee tickets to the world fire dancing competition; w-o-w.

see the video below for a taste of this...sport? what is fire dancing classified as?

amazing?

the champ...

after the championship we explored that marvelous stage-like performance arena. magical.

(stage? its ginormous and enshrouded by shrubbery!)

just a few splices of the night show...

________________________________________

ward day at the pcc= enrichment and joy.

canoe show: dancing on moving boats? what a genius cultural experience for all.

man, i loved this.

village presentations and what not

"That was a real fire, this is a real leg, and I am in real pain."

shaving coconuts like it aint no thang

lo siento: our hand-crafted leaf fish are kind of hard to see.

a gorgeous tahitian exhibiting pure talent

________________________________________

buses, suns, odd faces

fresh pineapple with an unknown hawaiian spice that everyone raves about.

it was tasty but, ow, it hurt my tongue after a time.

so we went to the swap meet in honolulu and look at the street to turn on!

i felt reminiscent of that one time i was in slovenia looking at

those mountains and thinking only one word:

UTAH.

here we are again, same idea.

no place like home!

our weekly sunday meal, except this time we moved out to the patio for the ocean vista. why didn't we think of that weeks ago?

________________________________________

Above are videos from the PCC.

The first is from the new zealand village; this was one of my favorites!

The second is from a fire dancing section of the night show. Hilarious.

Both of the above were a part of the night show--Tahiti section, I believe. Serious talent here.

Segments from the world championship fire dancing competition. BAM! How classy is this guy?

1 2 3 4 "get the deets"

2009-05-06T00:09:00.006-06:00

Step one: Find him.

Step Two: Boil.

Step Three: Separate.

Step four: eat.

Done.

I am a barbarian.

_____________________________________________

Well, we bussed it up to Honolulu this weekend again and went to Pearl Harbor. There really are no words for it, so I'll just leave it at that.

Mal exemplifying the reverence at the memorial. I dig this photo.

It was a fun week. We have absolutely no complaints.

_____________________________________________

Today we snorkeled our back yard. It was pretty classy. We then went to the tippy of The Point and cliff jumped off to My Little Mermaid Rock; Aerial wasn't there. We proceeded to snorkel around, making Our entire Point mostly explored. Dreamtown.

Imagine going to the beach before dinner, grabbing your goggles just because they were there on the floor. You meet your friend and you both wade out into agua: moderate waves. You get out a reasonable distance, slip on your goggles, and spend a few minutes observing the panorama of sand, rocks, and whatever else... until you forget to inhale through your snorkel and swat uselessly through the air to get the attention of your comrade; for, there before you, levitating effortlessly...a sea turtle! Yeah, imagine if that was real, because it was for me. Mal and I followed it around for awhile, laughing at how normal it was for it to just be there. Mal even tried to grab ahold for a joyride. He eventually outswam us. That was the end of that transpiration, though the memory lives on.

What a day. Oh, and I forgot to mention... it all began perfectly--courtesy of Hukilau Cafe--with coconut pancakes with coconut syrup. Ahhhhhh.

Now we're basking in our free time, giggling about its plenty.

long time comin

2009-05-05T23:38:00.006-06:00

Now that sooooooomeone has internet...

I would like to say a few words for the new Alison Lynn Lalor.

Aliface.

April 25th arrived with anticipation, extreme joy, excitement, many prayers, and much gratitude. Al, you are wedded! You are

bequeathed!

What a joke... "I know, right?"

Salzburg.

Dorfgastein cows standing on 90 deg

ree hills.

"We're in Dorfgastein!!"

Burano.

Murano?

Ha.

Mcflurries.

{[(ich bin eine..."Witzer"?)]}

No words.

LOVING IT.

"Mirielle is LOVING IT!"

Sweet sweet conversation.

FHE and institute.

Parallel uncertainties about Operas.

Z&Z's.

GELATO.

(...every time I go up a flight of stairs I think of that and your philosophy of rewarding ourselves for not taking the escalator. I think you're on to something there.)

Marcus.

Dingleberry.

Jason!

Legitimate.

Jack Johnson, Coldplay, music. Period.

Ha und Em.

NO SHAME. ha ha ha.

Cirque du Soleil. Ha. And the music switch within The Tent. The legitimate One.

Vienner.

DISCOS!

Peter Wasserteur. What is his name? ha ha what was he doing all that time?!

He's famous.

Ubahn.

Neubaugasse.

Vocab. All day. Seventy words. Get on it.

Temmmmple.

Hootananny!

London Pass.

Boot search. Fifty times.

I could go on forever and twenty-six days, but I'll stop. I am beaming though; what a blessing it has truly been having our paths cross! I love you so much Aliface!

Know I was thinkin of and prayin for you and scott on your special day. :)

Many many congrats my love!

There I Was

2009-04-27T13:25:00.024-06:00

Vacuuming my ceiling wondering ... “what is going on?” (Brian Regan) ... “how do people live like this?” (Mallory), seeing the hairs, sand, spiders and cockroaches zoom up my vacuum like I was the queen of their galaxy; I never thought I’d see the day when I would so purposefully smash a cockroach with my bare palm. There I was on my naked knees kneeling on that sticky tile and itchy carpet, mixing various mostly-empty bottles of cleaners and tilting the vacuum in new ways to avoid deepened blisters as I attempted to achieve even a sub-fraction of the word “clean;” there I was, knowing what Will would say, humming sporadic “Dusty Road” lines and hearing the waves hit that volcanic ashen wall outside my apartment-home in between her breaths. There I was walking through those outdoor hallways, or finding myself in unbelievably, wonderfully ridiculous tropical storms, breathless for one reason or another. There I was standing near the milk debating debating debating about the nine dollar price tag; love you, Ma, thanks for the sound advice. There I was hiking through mud and brush up an eight mile-long trail, waiting for Jack and Hurley and Kate to burst through the foliage and surprise me on my way to carry out Number Eight on My Bucket List. There I was in that freshwater pool, after hitting my legs on those rocks, feeling grateful and happy and cold as the sun hid, because it didn’t matter—I finally crossed my dream of swimming in a waterfall pool off The List. There I was photo machen-ing that sunset, eating a Mahi Mahi sandwich and choco manula pie or something as I FROZE [I have been colder here in Hawaii than I have in all my days in Utah. What a joke.]. There I was sitting beneath those stars, watching the clouds travel across at light-speed [what is it? I should know this, bad Physical Science Student, Tawny: 3 x 10⁸?], night-day-dreaming of my remarkable friend in Brasil, again, hearing the ocean in my backyard. There I was.

Here I am.

I keep reminding myself: You are in Hawaii.

It hasn’t sunk in. I don’t think it will. But I am loving living and breathing in such a stunning place. Blessed.

Here are a bunch of wildly overdue photos.

Laie temple!

are you seeing that spider? dkjafs

truly. the vista from my deck.

clean clean apartment.

third time cleaning the kitchen floor.

i do love large foliage

daytrip to honolulu

love ya, kels

happy birthday johnny